I am really bad at this

Ok, so its been about a month since my last post. I have decided that i am just really bad at this whole "blog" thing. I wish i had more exciting things to say but i dont. I took my husband to get all four wisdom teeth removed, no fun. Then i got a letter from school saying that Aiden needed glasses, so i took him to the eye doctor. I had all three kids with me (no sitter) and it took THREE HOURS for them to tell me that his eyes were fine. He will need glasses later but right now, its not worth it. Three hours in a waiting room (Aiden went into the exam room alone, i could see him though, he is so big) with Isabella and Noah and NO TV was hell. I thought i might kill them right there. Oh and since i am ranting let me tell you. I always thought it was bad that Isabella wants to pee in every public restroom. I hated it, it was gross and i would always complain. Well Noah has decided to trump his older sister. Every time we go shopping, he shouts out that he has to poop. I mean shouts "MOM I HAVE TO GO POOP!" OMG are you serious, its bad enough that i actually have to take you to a public potty but now EVERYONE in the effin store knows that i have to take my son to drop a deuce. Are you kidding me? Its humiliating.

 Question: What do you other mommas do when you have to take all the kiddos to the store and they start fighting about the stupidest stuff? My children actually got in a fight about boogers. We were at a store (cant remember which) and they started to argue about so and so picking a booger, and then it went on to who did it first and nu uhs... yada yada yada... Now as this is happening, they are getting really loud, so i step in and i am trying to tell them to stop arguing, and we all know how well that works... IT DOESNT! So now i am mad too, I cant help it. Here we are in a store, kids all looking at me, horrified, like i am the one who started it or something and i am speaking very firmly, and kinda loud but i am not yelling, ya know, "I dont care which one of you picked you boogers first, Its gross, cut it out!" People are looking at me.... I swear i can hear there thoughts, "What a weird ass lady, and her weird ass kids! Why are they picking boogers, how gross... ewww!"

  Oh well, life goes on i guess.....

Just another day...

Well today was beautiful! the sun was shining, The temp was about 80 degrees, and to top it off i was jammin to Rebelulation and Sublime. It was just amazing. I went to the train station this morning and said good bye to Grampy. He lives in Kansas and visits every year for about three months. Then Mom and I went to breakfast with Noah. Yummy! I pretty much just laughed with Noah all day. I picked the kids up from school. Theres was really only one "funny" thing that happened. Did you know that if you dial 08 on your cell phone that you will call the police? I do now! Aiden grabbed my phone and pressed those numbers when he grabbed it... complete accident. So, i hung up as soon as i saw it read "Emergency Call". They called right back. They were really nice though, i told her it was my son on accident and she said it was ok. Whew! Then the day came to an end and Jeff rubbed my feeties. It really was just an amazing day!

Aiden's 1st T-ball Practice

Ok, so Monday was my dear Aidens very first t-ball practice since we signed him up with the Ft Lauderdale Little League. We am soooo proud of him. The coach told us that all he needed was a a bat, gloves, cleats and to wear a t-shirt and shorts. Alright, i got this! Jeff made sure Aiden got all the "right" stuff, he spares no expense in the name of sports. I got Aidens outfits ready only to discover that he only has ONE pair of basketball shorts... ONE PAIR... WTH? I told Jeff that we needed to buy some and he said no, that Aiden had plenty... I think Jeff forgets that Aiden grows, cause those shorts Jeffs talkin about are all Noah's now and have been for about 6 months. LOL Anyway, back to the story. So I get Aiden dressed, hes wearing black shorts with a white stripes down the sides, and a black and white tie dye shirt ( all his plain whites were stained, cant have that). Jeffs going to meet us at the park right after work... or so I thought. Jeff ended up being late so i had to keep an eye on all three heathens at the same time all alone. I am almost %100 sure that this is just one reason so many mom commit filicide. Moving on, Aiden is on the feild doing his thing and I am so proud. He is getting along with all the other little boys and listening to the coach.. GO AIDEN! Noah on the other hand, i am NOT proud of. He is going bezerk... I really dont know what got into that kid but it aint right. He is jumping up and down, speaking way louder then normal and so fast that even I cant understand his jibber jabber (and I always do) Then the lil tyke gets it in his head that the Dr. Suess book that i brought to read to him is actually a ball. He is throwing it, repeatedly. I try to get him to stop all sweet like, "Hunny, dont do that.", "Noah, thats a book, not a ball", "Darling, we read books, we dont throw them" but NOTHING is getting though so i have now escalated into sweet whispers in his ear like "Give me the damn book"," Do it again and i will spank you infront of God and everybody" I think you get my drift. Then i finally give up on the book and choose to direct his game in a grassy spot on the side of the bleachers so that no one get hurt by his lack of skills. Keep in mind he still wont shut up! Bella on the other hand I think disappered because there was this lil girl who looked JUST LIKE HER, sitting next to me, READING BOOK. She was really into it too cause she never looked up or anything. Until Noah started to calm down of course, then she decided to run around this tree that had giant "ready to trip your kids and break there faces" roots jutting up all around it. Thanks alot for that! At this point, I let them run around because all i can think about is how next practice i need to remember to pour some rum in my can of diet coke. This is when Jeff shows up. He come walking up to us and he is still wearing his full face helmet, on the top of his head. It looks like he has another head on his head. Its just down right humiliating. So i am discreetly trying to signal to him to take the damn thing off his head. He doesnt care. (Asshole!) Aiden is waving from the field, excited that Daddy came to watch. The other Demon-Jeffrey-Spawn come running over hugging Daddy. Then they turn to go back to the tree and I say in the most motherly of voices "Be Careful, stay where Mommy can see you!" (Yea, other moms, you see that, i got this) In the middle of my silent "see how good oa  mom i am" props to myself, Noahs voice rings through the air "OR I'LL KICK YOUR ASS!"
Son of a bitch, are you kidding me? Here I am trying to look all leave it to beaver like, and my son is the first person to curse. Thats messed up, all my hopes of lookin good in front of these other moms flushed down the toilet with one three letter word. So i had to make up for it right? I dont want them to think my kids can curse and not see a consequence, so naturally i pop the poor kid in the mouth, Bent down and explained to him very firmly that we do not use that word, its a grown up word... and so forth, then I let him play. I may have the obnoxious kid at the park but I REFUSE to be the mom that doesnt discipline her kids. The entire time this is happening Jeff and Isabella are at the fence smiling at Aiden and praising him. I can only pray that next practice Jeff is on time, i have a giant "soda" and the kids have benadryl cocktails... Im just saying...

A whole bunch of stuff going on...

First off, I want everyone to know that my dear friends Roni and Craig had to move. They moved all the way to SOUTH DAKOTA. They are a very important part of my family and it was heartbreaking to see them go. I pray that they get nothing but the best. With that said, now to the funny stuff.
Sunday, after church we stopped at the pet store because we needed to feed Spots (the snake). So we got him two little mice because they were out of regular size mice. Then Jeff decided that we HAD to stop at Sports Authority because Aiden needed cleats and a bat for his first day of tee ball practice and this was our last chance to do it. I tried to tell him that the mice were going to die in the van but Jeff said that they would be fine. So we went shopping, we spent more time in there then i would have liked, but honestly, we forgot about the mice. When we got to the check out, there was a very long line. Aiden had started to do the pee pee dance so I told Jeff that i would take the boys to the van and he and Bella could check out. No problem! So I have Aiden pee by the van and when he was done, there was still no Jeff. So i told the boys that we should clean out the van while we wait. I grabbed the garbage bag (i always have one in my van) and saw the box of mice. OHHH YEAAAHHH! Lets see if they are dead so we can rub it in Daddys dumb face! Well they were not dead... but one was MISSING! OMG Are you freaking kidding me? So out of panic, i tell the boys to jump on to the seats and hang their heads down and look for the run away mouse. Aiden finds him running around. This scares the mouse into running faster and all around like a crazed loony mouse. Now, you have to understand, I am freaking out... i am jumping up and down, yelling, shaking... just totally losing my grip ok! Then i see Jeff, casually taking his time through the parking lot.. Does he not now i am in a crisis? "THERES A MOUSE IN OUR VAN!!!!" I am screaming..."HE GOT OUT..." Jeff and Bella come running. Now Jeffs trying to catch the mouse, the kids are running back and forth in the van watching Daddy and the mouse, and I am flailing around out side on the verge of tears. FINALLY Jeff gets him. WHEW...   Then we collect ourselves (myself really) and go home. Can you beleive that lil bastard mouse tried to do it again, while i was driving, I almost killed us all. Then we get home....
And the Spots the snake is missing. Oh yea, he got out of his cage and was slithering around somewhere in the house. He was pretty easy to find and get though. He went into the boys toy closet and curled up in a corner where he almost froze to death. We heated him up, fed him, and that was that. What a day!

Are you 'effin serious?

I hit someone on a bike this morning! No, I am not kidding. I hit a cyclist with my van today! Let me explain... so that you don't automatically think I am an idiot. I was coming out of a residential neighborhood on to a busy street. I am STOPPED at the stop sign. There are fenced in apt. complexes on both corners. I need to turn right. I look to my right, NO ONE! I look to my left, no one, but I couldn't see far enough down the street to chance pulling out into traffic so, I took my foot off the break peddle to roll up about two inches and WHAM!!!! Some asshole on a bike is staring at me like I MEANT to hit him. So naturally, I panic. I jump out of the van "OH MY GOD ARE YOU OK?" He says that he is fine (Thank you Jesus!) So I ask him if he would like me to call the police, ambulance, insurance, a friend ... ANYONE! He says no and that he is fine. He looks at his bike and rides it in a  circle or two and tells me that the bike is fine also. The whole time I am trippin out. I am asking him if he wants me to take him to the ER, home, or to where ever he was going... What can I do, I have never hit anyone before! He said that everything was ok and he was just going to leave. Umm... ok? Well let me give you my name and number. So I do and thats when he turns into a jerk. After I said I was sorry for about the millionth time and he says "Don't be, I am from San Fransisco and they are just more cautious to people on bikes, I shouldn't have expected you to look first!" Umm, Are you kidding me? So I said "Well, down here we normally stop at the corner and don't pedal out in front of vehicles!"  I was mad. Any way, so he pedals away. I call everyone I can that is up that early cause I am still pretty shaken up about the whole ordeal. Then I get a text message from the guy about an hour later saying that his front tire is bent and wanted to know what I was going to do about it. I thought you said it was fine is what I was thinking but I didn't say that, I still felt pretty bad. So, I told him to take the bike to a bike shop, get an estimate, and we can split the cost (He did pull out in front of me after all.) Then the lil twerp writes back applaud that I said split the cost. That he thought me replacing the tire would be a gesture of good faith for HITTING HIM WITH MY CAR (He caps it, not me) and that I need to just forget about it and how society never fails to disappoint him and what not and finishes his lil hissy fit with Have a Good Day! I was SOOO pissed off. You know what you lil bastard, I did have a good day, all because you told me to forget about paying for it! So HA, you can take that self-righteous attitude and shove it up your ass buddy... Gesture of good faith, you should be grateful I was so damn nice and gave you my real name and number. Hell, I offered everything in the book for you, Asshole! As you can tell I am still pretty mad about it. Just thought I would share that lil story with you, the rest of the day was great though :)

I am a loser!

Sorry everyone. I know that its been awhile (ok a long ass time) since I have posted anything. I got really busy with the Holidays and such. All in all, we have been good. Nothing to spectacular has happened soo... I really wish I had more to say but ... like i said I am a loser. I will post more later. Sorry again.

Death to the Birthday Bear or just a message?

Ok so to tell this story correctly you have to know a few things. First, I (very rarely) spank my kids with a belt. No i do not beat my kids, or leave marks or make them run screaming in horror whenever i walk in to the room... but i do spank my children. Enough said. Second, Isabella got a build a bear for her birthday and it has a sound clip thing in it. It is the most annoying thing i have ever heard. With all that said, let me explain what Noah did while i was washing dishes.
    I had the music cranked up while i scrubbed (yes by hand, no dishwasher here). Noah was running around with the bear (i dont know why but he loves it) He was right next to me but i was still washing and didnt look down immediately... What i knew he was safe. I put my dish in the strainer and looked down. I expected to see Noah sitting on the floor playing nicely with the stuffed bear... Wow, now that i say that out loud, it sounds ridiculous. Anyways, thats what i was thinking.... NOT what i saw. Noah had the my belt wrapped around the bears neck and hanging from the kitchen drawer. He had brutally murdered the bear. At first i kinda giggled and thought that i would never have to hear that annoying song again, then i realized it was a stuffed animal not a real one and she will live to see another day :( Then i thought about it... was that a message to me about my belt and those were his pent up aggressions for the belt all being exposed the only way he knew how??? All i could hear in my head was Bill Engvall saying "Heres your sign!" I wish there was more but honestly i just cleaned it up and told Noah that it wasnt nice. Either way, it was kinda funny! Have a great day everyone.