Ok, so Monday was my dear Aidens very first t-ball practice since we signed him up with the Ft Lauderdale Little League. We am soooo proud of him. The coach told us that all he needed was a a bat, gloves, cleats and to wear a t-shirt and shorts. Alright, i got this! Jeff made sure Aiden got all the "right" stuff, he spares no expense in the name of sports. I got Aidens outfits ready only to discover that he only has ONE pair of basketball shorts... ONE PAIR... WTH? I told Jeff that we needed to buy some and he said no, that Aiden had plenty... I think Jeff forgets that Aiden grows, cause those shorts Jeffs talkin about are all Noah's now and have been for about 6 months. LOL Anyway, back to the story. So I get Aiden dressed, hes wearing black shorts with a white stripes down the sides, and a black and white tie dye shirt ( all his plain whites were stained, cant have that). Jeffs going to meet us at the park right after work... or so I thought. Jeff ended up being late so i had to keep an eye on all three heathens at the same time all alone. I am almost %100 sure that this is just one reason so many mom commit filicide. Moving on, Aiden is on the feild doing his thing and I am so proud. He is getting along with all the other little boys and listening to the coach.. GO AIDEN! Noah on the other hand, i am NOT proud of. He is going bezerk... I really dont know what got into that kid but it aint right. He is jumping up and down, speaking way louder then normal and so fast that even I cant understand his jibber jabber (and I always do) Then the lil tyke gets it in his head that the Dr. Suess book that i brought to read to him is actually a ball. He is throwing it, repeatedly. I try to get him to stop all sweet like, "Hunny, dont do that.", "Noah, thats a book, not a ball", "Darling, we read books, we dont throw them" but NOTHING is getting though so i have now escalated into sweet whispers in his ear like "Give me the damn book"," Do it again and i will spank you infront of God and everybody" I think you get my drift. Then i finally give up on the book and choose to direct his game in a grassy spot on the side of the bleachers so that no one get hurt by his lack of skills. Keep in mind he still wont shut up! Bella on the other hand I think disappered because there was this lil girl who looked JUST LIKE HER, sitting next to me, READING BOOK. She was really into it too cause she never looked up or anything. Until Noah started to calm down of course, then she decided to run around this tree that had giant "ready to trip your kids and break there faces" roots jutting up all around it. Thanks alot for that! At this point, I let them run around because all i can think about is how next practice i need to remember to pour some rum in my can of diet coke. This is when Jeff shows up. He come walking up to us and he is still wearing his full face helmet, on the top of his head. It looks like he has another head on his head. Its just down right humiliating. So i am discreetly trying to signal to him to take the damn thing off his head. He doesnt care. (Asshole!) Aiden is waving from the field, excited that Daddy came to watch. The other Demon-Jeffrey-Spawn come running over hugging Daddy. Then they turn to go back to the tree and I say in the most motherly of voices "Be Careful, stay where Mommy can see you!" (Yea, other moms, you see that, i got this) In the middle of my silent "see how good oa mom i am" props to myself, Noahs voice rings through the air "OR I'LL KICK YOUR ASS!"
Son of a bitch, are you kidding me? Here I am trying to look all leave it to beaver like, and my son is the first person to curse. Thats messed up, all my hopes of lookin good in front of these other moms flushed down the toilet with one three letter word. So i had to make up for it right? I dont want them to think my kids can curse and not see a consequence, so naturally i pop the poor kid in the mouth, Bent down and explained to him very firmly that we do not use that word, its a grown up word... and so forth, then I let him play. I may have the obnoxious kid at the park but I REFUSE to be the mom that doesnt discipline her kids. The entire time this is happening Jeff and Isabella are at the fence smiling at Aiden and praising him. I can only pray that next practice Jeff is on time, i have a giant "soda" and the kids have benadryl cocktails... Im just saying...
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